We laughed, we cried, and then we grew up.

Despite the countless obstacles, our college gang finally met up, though the only-half-of-the-group-showed-up gathering only lasted barely 4 hours.

We went back to our old college and saw Mr Lau (maths), Mr Nava (physics AS sem 2), Mr Yeoh (physics A2) and we wanted to listen to Mr Lau's lecture but us barging into the class was simply too obvious although I didn't mind doing it cause we already have a bad reputation in college

We ate at Inti Cafeteria. The nasi lemak was still RM 1 and spicy. We met a fake Lihyi who had almost the same haircut, same bell-sleeved shirt who brought her own lunch. We spotted some familiar faces; the lab assistant, our bio teacher's archenemy, and some lookalikes from our old days in college.

For a moment I felt alive again.

Where I lived in a world with my own rules. Where people's opinions about what I did, what I wore, what I said didn't matter anymore because I had a group of friends who accepted my loudness and lack of subtlety.

But living abroad (in fact leaving college) has given me enough lessons that the world can be evil, it can be pretentious, it can be selfish. In fact it's brimming with so much lies it's so hard to spot sheer honesty.

But I strongly believe that no matter how badly the world treats me, I will not turn into one of those backstabbing, hatred filled, self centred people, even if it hurts me.

I will keep on fighting, keep on falling, and keep on getting up.

Because I know that when I can take it no more, I'll have my true friends to hang on to.

Thank you for everything =)

i need a break.

when will I start living for myself?

stuck...

between

what i want and making people happy

blending in and having more time for myself

moving on and turning back

personal goals and to strive for a higher purpose

basically means

i'm stuck between

studying and not studying. the essence of a medical student's life.

thankfully i will be heading back msia soon! to be reminded of how it feels like to live a life outside hall, med campus and getting my head buried in food instead of Gray's or Robbins all the time >.<

missing you

came across this image SH edited and slipped into my pen drive before she returned it to me right before I left to HK.

I never knew how much I actually enjoyed my college days until the time I went back msia during winter break. During those 2 weeks, I would laugh till I cried, shout till my voice turned hoarse and I wasn't being afraid of saying/doing the wrong thing. I could be myself and not worry about the implications it would bring because people around me were so REAL.

And though nothing can ever be the same, I'm glad to have this 1 and a half years worth of sweet memories.

I LOVE YOU NG SUAT HOON <3 and mama kk ly bs wy cc thboy hl!!!

Grateful

Kite flying.

Not really sure why but I wanted to fly a kite for a really, really long time now. Probably to enjoy the wind in my face, the exhilaration of running against wind direction and the sense of completion.

Thanks guys, for putting a full stop and marking the end of something that was never even meant to start. Finally, I feel complete again =)

It'll be one month before I see Malaysia again. Thank God that's pretty soon =)

staring at square things

Movies!

1. Tangled/Rapunzel
Watched it this afternoon with Suefay (whom I meet around once a year as our breaks coincide though we study at opposite sides of the hemisphere); the usual feel good disney production that was fun to watch! With hilarious comic reliefs too =)


2. The Social Network
Streamed this online and it's pretty interesting as it gives a true account of the founding of facebook (which is as essential for a human being who needs a social life) and it was pretty ironic cause my facebook site was on the other tab while I was watching the movie which indicates its importance in my life XD

3. Tron: The Legacy
Watched this with SH and CC and THboy simply cause we couldn't find other shows to watch and some of them watched Narnia already. The female actor's pretty cool but can't remember much from the movie; seems to be catered to the younger male audience though.

TV series!

Currently hooked on Fringe Season 1... The mystery just deepens with every episode and it's killling meeeee

Books!
finished reading Waiter Rant. Check out my post here.

But honestly still not enough time for friends and family and myself. Argghh I wished winter breaks were longer. I need TIME to chill before I face the world again. >.<

hou churr ah~~

Been pretty busy lately with non-academic related stuff, eg shopping for boots and winter clothing, preparing for Caduceus (Faculty Editorial Board) campaign, watching a movie @ cyberport etc, watching interhall football match and hall activities etc.

Churr.

I'm supposed to be catching up on the week's lecture now but out of boredom (cause I'm not sure if you're interested) let me just share some Hong Kong slang/terms =)

• 劲 geng -  can be used as a substitute for 好(hou) 非常 (fei sheung); eg 劲肚饿 (geng tou ngor) very hungry
• 撻皮 (tat pei) - lazy
• hea - lazy
• 出 pool - start dating someone
• 入 pool - just turned single (eg enter the pool of single people)
• churr - busy
• So - sorry
• su 唔 su - sure or not
• au - obtain, extract (like stealing, in a jokingly way)
• 劲过 (geng guo) - CGPA over 3
• 搏丁 (bok ding) - trying to score distinction (studying really hard for exams)
• 潜 li (cheem li) - study in the library all day
• 抽书 (chau xu) - like if people chau your xu, means they ask you questions from the lectures, like see how much you already know/studied
• 搏尽 (bok chun) - very "bok", either in studies or CCAs
• 浮 (fao) - opposite of cheem, like if you're very "fao" in hall means you simply join lots and lots of activities
• 上莊 (sheung jong) - become Executive Committee of a club. "jong" culture is really strong here as in they'll be harsh in some way before you get to be Exco, for certain hall and student's union "jong".
• 过 O (guo O) - go through hall/floor orientation

can only think of this much at the moment! Gonna go cheem now!!! >.<

reflections

• some people in life are irreplaceable. no matter how hard we try to find similarities in friends we enjoy being with, each and every person has qualities unique and specific (omg sounds so enzyme-ish) to that person only. Be with people you are comfortable being with, instead of simply trying to fit in. It will be just sad and emotionally taxing. and those who mean most to you, keep them close to heart because, they'll always be there for you; if only you remembered to ask. Just a few days ago I was msn-ing with mama and we were saying that college gang were the BEST, most sincere and genuine group of friends we've ever met and got the privilege to know. We can't go back to our a level days, but it's just great to know that in this big wide scary world that there are friends you can count on, even with everyone busy with their own schedule. <3 u guys forever~~~

• no matter how grown up we get, family matters the most. their unfailing love, their meticulous care for even the simplest things will never change with the passing of time. they're the ultimate consultant, your most trusted friend, you shelter in a storm. love them, because no one else will do the exact same to you. besides, you owe them one =) my parents came to visit me last weekend in HK, and I brought them around to eat and to Ocean Park as well. So proud when mom said she was glad that I was ok and am more independent! It was great meeting them and having the feeling of being taken care of again nevertheless =)

• there are tons of people worse than you, but heaps of people better than you too, in all different aspects. Failure makes people stronger. We learn through failures. If you don't fail, you'll never know, and never appreciate the feeling of success. What do we learn, exactly? Firstly, we learn to accept the truth. Secondly, we consider what went wrong. Then we learn to let go, let go of that sense of insecurity that we're not good enough. In fact, we're never good enough. We can only get better, but best is still really, really far away. We win because of luck, because of effort and sometimes because of skill. But we lose because even though we're good, there are tons of people better than you. Heck, for all you know, they might've failed EVEN more than you! Try more, fail more, learn more. and then, try again!! you have no idea how many interviews and auditions I've failed since coming HKU. I didn't make it into HKU Debate, Student Ambassador and Medical Outreachers ExCo. But still, I learned a lot through the preparations involved, and also learning to accept failure too. Of COURSE it feels disheartening but sometimes we just need reminders that we're worth more than our failures. We are defined by who we are and what we want to be, with respect to ourselves and others. WE ARE AWESOME hahaha

• doing small things for others can bring you further than you expect. I was so glad when I saw Amanda's post on her blog =) chocolate can do miracles, really! and we celebrated my roommate's bday last night after 12 midnight... It definitely felt good to make someone's day! Therefore do not be bitchy because some days its effects may just rebound on YOU XD

Okay no idea where this post came from.. probably accumulated in my twisted system but ANYWAY congratulations for making it this far!! hope my sharing helped in some way ^^

today i saw a video on a community project whereby HKU and CUHK students visited the elderly.

and i cried thinking of my grandparents back in malaysia.

they said they would wait for me to graduate and come back, but it'll be 6 friggin years.

whenever i help an elderly, i'll think of them, hoping they know that i'm also doing it for them.

ah kong ah ma, i'll never ever forget you guys.

wait for me.

please, please, please wait for me.

oh noooooooooo

time's almost up.


Now I'm busy
1. transferring 27.4GB worth of photos and videos (96% of them are college mates-related)
2. finishing Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
3. planning final meet-ups with friends
4. trying to spend more time with parents and grandparents
5. excited over HK end of summer sales *guilty*
6. being just plain emo.

nearly cried over what sh said over the phone yesterday.

*clears throat*

Gotta keep myself together.

random emo-ness

oh crap.

'm starting to get the jitters.

did another collage on college mates that i'll develop and probably bring to hk to curb friendsickness T.T

okay teckhong gets the biggest chunk cause that's the nicest pic of us together and our faces are far apart so. that is THE honest answer hehe... XD

oh ya a video on the hall i will be staying in HKU. (RC Lee)

countdown to a new beginning

just booked my flight to hk. Aug 25th @ 7am by AirAsia.

22 more days to go!

=).

o.O

T.T

???

just feeling a teeeeeeensy unprepared.

Undergoing decomposition

I. Am. So. Bored.

2 more days to my last day at work & I'm already feeling pangs of boredom + aimlessness + lack of social life.

How will I survive the coming month before uni starts???

Please get me something to do.

2 more weeks left.

My HK student visa just came by courier a few days back, and suddenly it all seems so real.

Though I can't say my 7 months' worth of work in kindergarten was without incidents pissing me off/me pissing kids off (haha!) but it definitely made me love kids so much more.

5 yr old Yi Hen and her younger sister, Ci En, 3.

2 more weeks left. To another ending.

I guess love comes in many forms, so I'll used what's left to love them even more. =)

omg yi shuen made a "love cake"! so sweet =)

I wished...

I was busier

and then

it would be easier

to let go

of whatever was left.

thank you for a day's happiness

and I will thank you for the ultimate decision at a later date

I'll be lying by saying it didn't hurt

because I was so unprepared.

But I understand, cause besides the feeling

everything else was wrong.

But still

Thank you =)

Gone but never forgotten

When 150cm meets 167cm (twisted version)

Dear Mama,

Honestly I tried lots and lots of ways of starting this. Every single time, I start all over again, because my feelings are truly, truly indescribable.

You are a special friend. From your curious antics of eating the interior of a fishball before finishing off the skin, to your trademark burp which comes in the oddest moments in class, you are a person, so different yet one that we can find so much in common with.

Our friendship grew, day by day, as we used to wait for the minibus heading to the train station together. Sometimes, we would walk from college to subang KTM station, but everyday was an enjoyable one despite the burning sun. Along the way, we stumbled, and often more than not, made fools of ourselves.

But that doesn't matter. At all. I don't regret any single day spent at college, spent with you and our classmates. Because it taught me how to accept myself for exactly who I am; not a taller, less pimple-ridden, slimmer version. Just tzehui and nothing more.

Tragedy hit you hard in the face, and we've seen you struggle emotionally but we were so helpless at the sidelines. Sometimes during outings you have to leave early to deal with your family issues. We saw your heart break, get fixed up, then break again. You grew stronger each time you fell down. But no matter what happened, you never, ever put on a sulky face in class. So every lesson was not just a joy for you, but also fun for the rest of us.

So thank you, mama.

For giving us everything and asking nothing in return.
For so often lending an ear and listening to my incessant rantings.
For your infectious laughter and funny metaphors and seeing lookalikes everywhere we go
For helping me organise gatherings even if you weren't attending them!
For completing my sentences or saying the same thing simultaneously
For bringing so much joy, laughter and warmth into our lives.

Thank you for being there when I needed you, and wishing you all the best in your studies in Spore! MSN and Skype ALL THE TIME kay?

Love you forever & ever & ever~~~

XOXO,
tzehui

All mixed up

Ja An, Yi Hen, Yi Shuen & Ci En observing intently as the tadpole-turned frog is released into the drain

Somehow as each day draws to an end, I become afraid. The thought of being further away from what used to bring me so so so much happiness is draining the life out of me T.T

2 months from now, I will no longer see 4 yr olds stumbling out of balance every few steps across the classroom. Their shy, toothy smile or them saying "I love you" oh so generously to friends and teachers they truly love.

I can't go lepak-ing with college friends anymore. And stand around again in a circle asking each other what we want to have for lunch and not find any conclusion half an hour later (unless kaykay's around!! haha)

I'll miss the short yet wonderful time I spent in Klang Presbyterian Church. This was where I found my faith and built my relationship with God. Thankfully this is something I can continue in HK!! But having church friends really made me feel that I am not alone in overcoming worldly tempations =)

I can't play poker with my grandparents anymore or joke around with them. Or listen to my grandma tell the story of my birth for the 11239827958274th time. Or eat their delicious sambal or help them with groceries during marketing :(

But I guess if I don't let go, I'll never grow up. Trust me, not being able to grow up vertically is painful enough XD

See! Even my 13 yr old cousin is so so so much taller than me T.T

p.s. can u spot me? 13 years ago XD

No directions.

Finally finished watching GLEE! Season 1 today. The mash-ups are great!

This whole month of April has been me running here and there attending interviews/tests for uni admission. Honestly. And just today, just when I've finally rested by butt in front of the computer, ready to start blogging on my Singapore trip, there pops up this invitation for ASEAN undergraduate scholarship interview next monday.

*pening*

It's like everything I do is a big fat ball of uncertainty, and it just gets bigger. Although frankly I think I did fairly well for both medicine interviews (HKU, NUS) but still chances are really, really, really slim.

It's all in God's hands =)

I am afraid

... of forgetting.

How the radio was always on full blast in KK's car when she came to pick us up from Subang KTM station.

The smell of KFC in Carrefour when we walk past it, and mama used to say it was damn smelly XD

Asking each other 今天吃什么 (what to eat today for lunch) and everyone saying 随便 (anything) ^^ and counting the number of ticks on the "where for lunch" voting paper

The female voice in Inti lift saying "Firs-tuh floor."

How we nicknamed basically all the strangers at Inti-- from 红毛丹 (rambutan) because of his hair, 洗脸盆(basin) his name sounded like one, water cooler we were busy admiring how slim our legs looked from the reflection on the water cooler we didn't notice him standing behind us with an utterly confused expression, KP haha sorry reason undisclosed, to 蓝牙小孩 (bluetooth kid)  bluetooth kid because he always wore one around school (Did I miss out anyone?)

....of the distance.

How work and uni life separates us all.

.... of the person I will become.

Will I take physical beauty too seriously?

Will I stop sharing and caring when I enter uni?

...of letting go.

... of how things will never be the same. Ever.

I am afraid, so I pray that God will guide me through it.