I am afraid

... of forgetting.

How the radio was always on full blast in KK's car when she came to pick us up from Subang KTM station.

The smell of KFC in Carrefour when we walk past it, and mama used to say it was damn smelly XD

Asking each other 今天吃什么 (what to eat today for lunch) and everyone saying 随便 (anything) ^^ and counting the number of ticks on the "where for lunch" voting paper

The female voice in Inti lift saying "Firs-tuh floor."

How we nicknamed basically all the strangers at Inti-- from 红毛丹 (rambutan) because of his hair, 洗脸盆(basin) his name sounded like one, water cooler we were busy admiring how slim our legs looked from the reflection on the water cooler we didn't notice him standing behind us with an utterly confused expression, KP haha sorry reason undisclosed, to 蓝牙小孩 (bluetooth kid)  bluetooth kid because he always wore one around school (Did I miss out anyone?)

....of the distance.

How work and uni life separates us all.

.... of the person I will become.

Will I take physical beauty too seriously?

Will I stop sharing and caring when I enter uni?

...of letting go.

... of how things will never be the same. Ever.

I am afraid, so I pray that God will guide me through it.

2in1

One.

Attended Yenwoon's YES Business Challenge a few days back @ Menara Star, PJ. Thanks to Lyndy for the lift! And Justin for the lift back ^^  Congrats to their team, Shining Dawn, who made it to the top 10!!! The winning team will be able to kickstart their business plan with RM 25,000 

I think it takes not only courage, but also spontaneity and wit to speak in front of the panel of CEO judges (OMG got 1 damn lengzai and charismatic *drools*) But anyway their team did great and they totally deserved it!

The top was borrowed from Yenwoon too by the way. Used the same one for my HKU scholarship interview XD

Two.

My cousin's kids came over yesterday, and gosh they are a smart bunch! This here is only Std 1 but already has two girlfriends! Simultaneously; and according to him, one even kissed him on the cheek o.O

Playing MAD; it's actually the opposite to Monopoly; the one who loses all his money wins!

Std 3 kid

Std 4; and they both beat me in an IQ game! And it did not feel good XD

And you know what.. I suddenly realised I miss the kids at my kindergarten. Distance really makes the heart grow fonder I suppose :)

An exciting day (hopefully) tomorrow!

Dealing with loss

Sometimes I feel that the human heart is impeccably made; not only does it have this enormous capacity to continually pump blood, but also to store a fragile substance---emotion. It's like sometimes when you miss someone too much, you can feel it contracting, like it feels your pain too.

I currently substitute for the daycare teacher at my kindergarten. One of my Std 1 students, Derwin came in today which a blank look on his face; his usual mischievous wink gone from his eyes. Soon he started sobbing at his seat.

Me: 志铭，你今天做什么? 考试都考完了，你现在是担心什么? (Derwin, exams are already over, what are you still worried about?)

Derwin: *shakes head in frustration*

Me: 来，志铭，有什么事情就跟老师说，不要用哭的，这样我解决不了你的问题。。。(Derwin, crying cannot solve the problem, if you tell me what it is maybe I can help you...)

Derwin: *stares blankly ahead, tears streaming down*

Derwin: 昨天我11晚上才睡。(I slept at 11 last night.)

Me: 哦，这样是不够睡是吗? (Not enough sleep?)

Derwin: 昨天我们拜我的婆婆。。。(Yesterday we had a funeral for my grandmother)

Me: 你的婆婆昨天走的是吗? (She just passed yesterday is it?)

Derwin: *nods head, cries uncontrollably*

Me: 没关系的，每个人到了一天也会走的，你这样一直哭，婆婆如果看到了也会很伤心的。。。她永远都会住在你心里(puts hand on his heart)，那是谁也拿不掉的。。。(my lame advice about letting go, not worth translating T.T)


Honestly tears were welling up in me at that moment. I felt it was really too great a burden for a 7 year old kid to bear. Letting go is never easy, no matter how old we are; the difference is just that we do a better job of covering it up.

But somehow I feel lucky knowing this young soul. He taught me how it felt like, missing someone dear. How some things are easier said than done and that emotions are precious, despite how much we sometimes wish a lack of one would save us from all the pain.

I guess upon leaving life on earth, we all want to leave a part of ourselves behind. If I were Derwin's grandmother, I would be real satisfied, because I know I'll live on in his memories, and in the bottomless depths of his heart.

May her soul rest in peace.