Thursday, March 11

Dealing with loss

Sometimes I feel that the human heart is impeccably made; not only does it have this enormous capacity to continually pump blood, but also to store a fragile substance---emotion. It's like sometimes when you miss someone too much, you can feel it contracting, like it feels your pain too.

I currently substitute for the daycare teacher at my kindergarten. One of my Std 1 students, Derwin came in today which a blank look on his face; his usual mischievous wink gone from his eyes. Soon he started sobbing at his seat.

Me: 志铭,你今天做什么? 考试都考完了,你现在是担心什么? (Derwin, exams are already over, what are you still worried about?)

Derwin: *shakes head in frustration*

Me: 来,志铭,有什么事情就跟老师说,不要用哭的,这样我解决不了你的问题。。。(Derwin, crying cannot solve the problem, if you tell me what it is maybe I can help you...)

Derwin: *stares blankly ahead, tears streaming down*

Derwin: 昨天我11晚上才睡。(I slept at 11 last night.)

Me: 哦,这样是不够睡是吗? (Not enough sleep?)

Derwin: 昨天我们拜我的婆婆。。。(Yesterday we had a funeral for my grandmother)

Me: 你的婆婆昨天走的是吗? (She just passed yesterday is it?)

Derwin: *nods head, cries uncontrollably*

Me: 没关系的,每个人到了一天也会走的,你这样一直哭,婆婆如果看到了也会很伤心的。。。她永远都会住在你心里(puts hand on his heart),那是谁也拿不掉的。。。(my lame advice about letting go, not worth translating T.T)

Honestly tears were welling up in me at that moment. I felt it was really too great a burden for a 7 year old kid to bear. Letting go is never easy, no matter how old we are; the difference is just that we do a better job of covering it up.

But somehow I feel lucky knowing this young soul. He taught me how it felt like, missing someone dear. How some things are easier said than done and that emotions are precious, despite how much we sometimes wish a lack of one would save us from all the pain.

I guess upon leaving life on earth, we all want to leave a part of ourselves behind. If I were Derwin's grandmother, I would be real satisfied, because I know I'll live on in his memories, and in the bottomless depths of his heart.

May her soul rest in peace.


mama said...


Lazaholic said...

That's so sad... Missing something dear is miserable enough, missing someone dear is unbearable. =(

xue fern said...

life is short...never know dat someone would leave us at any time...when i was standing in the crematorium,i know..everything is gonna over,between me n her..left memories...T.T

Tze Hui said...

mama: i noe rite.. since we both hav grandparents at home.. i was damn emo la tat day...

lazaholic: derwin didn't come to daycare today (friday), don't know how he's doing...

xue fern:you're saying bout ur grandmother isit? how long ago was it? never hear u mention b4 de...

kaykay said...

T.T omg th,i cant stop crying from the 1st post til this one u know? hahahahahahahahahaha im so 感性 lols.
ur blog reali awesome larrr..u can be a great writer already.heheheehe