About growing up... or growing old?

One of my Lifetime Resolutions is to go online only 2 days once, so I won't end up

• updating my Facebook status every 5 seconds to prove that I have a life
• unable to conduct intelligent conversations due to over-saturation of Youtube & Gossip Girl (and my way of expressing love will be XOXO-ing all the time)
  
• increase my specs power which is already high enough
  
• toking lik dis in my blog n lose my spelling ability after msn-ing too much

So I didn't go online yesterday. And when I did, today, I had 30 messages in my email! with 90% of them Facebook-related. See? I'm starting to lose track of life already.

And anyway just came back from watching The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button... and I cried! Like CRIED OUT LOUD after the show was over... And yeah I did get weird stares from my parents -_-"

But it was freaking 2 hrs n 45 mins... Not recommended to those who hate lengthy, zero-action movies. Just go watch Jumper or something.

It was just magical! Or maybe I'm just a bit sensitive watching shows with old people in it... really! I do.

And you get to see how Brat Pitt used to look like, 10 years back. The makeup artist not only suceeded in making him look convincingly old, but also the other way round! He looked HOTHOTHOT

I've got Chem & Physics Test tomorrow! So I'd better read up...

And oh ya Happy Belated to Siet Yin, hope you liked our present to you, and farewell to Sue Fay since you're flying back to Aussie tomorrow :)

Hugs & Kisses. Gatherings & Goodbyes.

Doesn't it feel weird growing up?

Sometimes you feel it when you're chatting with an old primary schoolmate. About how sadistically-inclined some of the schoolteachers are. Or about how boys in primary school used to cry a lot. and all the time. and now they're all tall (not everyone though) and grown up. About how different everyone is now. Teacher's pets, grown-up wannabes, book nerds (mememe!!), tech geeks all finding their place in the world.

How UPSR seemed to have never existed and the word "SPM" doesn't send a shiver down your spine anymore. School rules that seem to be so unnecessary and controlling all of a sudden. (eg fringe cannot reach eyebrow level!! Socks must be above ankle!!)

How jokes you share with friends are less about cartoons/imaginary stuff and more about other people. And how vulgarity and eroticism are now equally thought to be funny.

It's also the way of carrying yourself. Just think of the times during family gatherings when we could just sit there, act bored and no one would bother. But now it's like obligation to create small talk. We have to be eloquent. Charismatic. Outspoken. Proactive. And, to some extent, pretentious.

Do I actually have to say "wah, Auntie XX... your necklace so nice ah.. where you buy one?" when I actually think it's like some Stone Age artifact? Why say something when I don't even mean it?

Sometimes it's when you realize your friends are leaving home, one by one, pursuing their dreams/their parents dreams (which are 2 different things!!). How they may never look back, or even return to your life unexpectedly.

There was a mini farewell for Tiffy at Sakae Sushi, Sunway Pyramid this Tues, with Grace & Elaine.

Tiffy, I know you read my blog so I won't get too mushy here in case people get confused about my sexual orientation (for the record I like guys! cute ones of course)

So just wanna wish you all the best in Down Under and hopefully we'll never run out of conversation for the next 50 years. And we still can laugh at the same things we do now and be wacko just because we want to.

Keep in touch and thanks a billion for all the memories! I really will miss you!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo (hugs and kisses Tiffy until out of breath and Tiffy wipes saliva away from cheek)

Take care...

from tzehui :)

2008: The year that was

This year was THE fastest year in 17 years of my life. It was starkly different. Life-changing. Physically transforming. Full of unexpected twists. Disappointment, anger, surprise, boredom, excitement all rolled into one.

This year, I:

Changed my hairstyle 3 times, within 6 months. That makes it 2 months 1 hairstyle. And to imagine I used to have coconut hairstyle from my first haircut till form 2... Read more

Worked in Genting from January 1st to April 30th. It was actually my first job. Looking back, it was a really worthwhile experience; my colleagues were all real nice. My bosses were even nicer; always belanja makan one :) Plus I learned bowling, karaoke(not exactly something you need to learn la... but my 1st karaoke experience was at Genting) & proper way of playing badminton there... Read more

Didn't get JPA scholarship. It wasn't a big blow to me or something, because I'm not exactly eloquent/charismatic/outstanding/outspoken, in any way. I'm just a normal, hardworking (cheh) girl who worries too much over everything. (lol don't worry though I don't have OCD. I think.) Read more

Finally decided to take A-levels at Inti College Subang Jaya. Turned out to be a good choice and made some A-W-E-S-O-M-E friends at college (high school friends rock too!! just so you know) and did lots of crazy, out of this world stuff that are best left unknown. Or else it will cause public distress. Read more

Got myself contact lenses. That I didn't dare wear to our high school class gathering; I thought that they would melt under steam and I would get blind. -_-"

Developed rashes and my skin started peeling, like literally. Like a snake. And it all started right after I got my contacts and 2 days before my birthday! But all is well now, except for some roughness around my chin. Soon after my dad developed shingles (which is sorta like old people chickenpox) so my rashes was probably due to chickenpox that I eventually passed to my dad. Read more

Went for karaoke for 10++ times this year. The "me" last year would never think of stepping into a karaoke lounge, what more sing my intestines out and strip dance in it (I stripped my jacket only la ok)

Groomed my eyebrows. You should check out some of my older posts. I could make Crayon Shin Chan get down on all fours and call me "si-fu".

But there are still some unresolved matters; like what do I really, really want to do in life. My career. My future. Actually I'm pretty interested in Advertising but I chose a path in science. But I know things will just be all right once the time is right (wahh I like very mature like dat hor? *immerses in self-admiring*)

Hopefully 2009 be a blast! And all the best to those who are going overseas next year for further studies... Blogging is a good way of keeping in touch :)

It's not just nicotine that causes addiction

I'd hate to admit it but I've succumbed to the New God of the Virtual World-- Facebook!

Seriously! What with all the pokes and Word Challenges and buying people and comparing friends and planting trees and sending flowers and uploading photo albums and updating "what are you doing right now?"... It's like you can choose to NOT have a real life. Just go virtual and you can be the person everyone wants to be.

Very simple only mah! Just:

• Photoshop your profile pic so it looks like you have uber large Japanese doll eyes, flawless skin, Angelina Jolie's pouty lips and Jessica Alba's hothothot body

• Or worse, choose a pic that has you and a friend in it (caution: your friend has to be less good looking than you to achieve maximum effect)

• Play "Word Challenge" and "Who has the biggest brains?" till your eyes/bladders give out

• Add random people who look cute or rich or cool so you'll seem to know people from Northumbia to the Maldives

• In your profile, under "Favourite Music", put some weird bands that no one has heard before like RedNoses or Blingascopy (These I made up one la)

• Under the describe yourself section just put "I'm just a simple girl... happy go lucky... if you want to know me then add me lo ^~^ __~put something here~_____@hotmail.com" It'll sound like you're this sweet, cute gullible gal that'll be an easy catch. So plenty of (guy esp) friend requests.

Disclaimer: These examples are purely fictional and if they happen to resemble any true people or situations it's purely coincidental.

No hard feelings to anyone who has done any of the above ya! It's just based on my observation (and *cough* personal experience *cough**cough*)

Note: Very Intellectual Post Ahead

It's been a long time since I've got in touch with my mental healing side (not the psycho kind of healing ok) but here's some of the stuff that I find in the music nowadays..

*clears throat before beginning yawning-prone grandma talk*

People nowadays ah...

• Seem very confused of their sexualities. And sexual tendencies. E.g. do you feel like you're a gal trapped in a guy's body? or vice versa? or do you seem to fall for people of the same gender for no apparent reason?

Point taken from: I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry

~excerpt of the lyrics~
This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

K la honestly I have nothing against homosexuals, but I just don't get the bisexuals.... like make a choice! But no offense to any bis out there :)

But no worries; I'm still straight, single and very easily attracted to cute, young guys =P

People nowadays ah...

• Are very random, spontaneous and doing spur of the moment things. Like obviously "random" is one of the very "in" and "trendy" words that people use today (especially in blogs!). By the way I thought of something that Melissa Kong once said in my BRATs camp. "You know what's random? Brownian motion. -_-"

Point taken from: California - Metro Station

If I strum chords, would you sing a song with me
If I leave town would you leave along with me
We can fly away to outer space
We can find a way to leave this place

We don't need a map and you can throw your phone away
We don't wanna hear the things we know they're gonna say
You don't trust yourself but girl trust in me
Don't look in the mirror the past you don't wanna see

(Chorus)
What do you say we leave for California
If we drive all night we can make it by the morning
And no one has to know if we decide to go
What do you say we leave for California

If we leave our friends then we can be together
We can leave this town if only for the weather
I could drive and you could sleep
While the radio collides to the sound of our heartbeats

(Chorus) x2

Hynotized by the carbon monoxide
Would turning back be a good idea
Your cigarette after cigarette
Cannot help to calm your fear

Randomness seems to make us sound more human and insanely cute, in a way, I guess.

So this is my shot at saying something totally random: "My pee today seemed less yellow compared to yesterday's." Haha. Very lame? at least I'm trying... :)

People nowadays ah...
(esp gals, no hard feelings) do not wait for guys to make the first move anymore. yay! off with overrated chauvinism! but sometimes some gals do get over-b*tchy over guys la.

Point taken from: Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne

~lyrics taken partially here too~
I can see the way, I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me
I know you talk about me all the time again and again
(And again and again and again)
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear

Better yet make your girlfriend disappear
I don't want to hear you say her name ever again
(And again and again and again! )

Cause she's like so whatever
You could do so much better
I think we should get together now
And that's what everyone's talking about!

[Chorus]
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Let the lyrics do the talking. Enough said. *small squeaky voice* can I say something? Seriously if someone were to talk like that it would be extremely perasan/yi4 wei2/beh hiao ba/muka tebal. (sorry can't find proper word in English; please enlighten me)

People nowadays ah:

• Do not have enough spiritual belief (fyi I'm a Christian ^^; but it applies to all religions la i think). Honestly I pray every day but when exam comes I pray x100000 harder... which is not that good la. Go to Him when got problem only.

Point taken from: In God's Hands - Nelly Furtado

I looked at your face
I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time

I, I saw that you couldn't care less about what you do
You couldn't care less about the lies
You couldn't find the time to cry

We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us

Chorus:
Now our love's floating out the window
Our love's floating out the back door
Our love's floating up in the sky,
In heaven, where it began
Back in God's hands

Gosh I love this song! super sweet and touching :)

Time to move on...

Honestly speaking I enjoyed working better than studying (oops... did I just say that out loud? hope my parents won't kill me :P) since:

1.no homework

2. no exams

3. got money!!! (this is the most important point, I must say)

But of course there are shortcomings to working, like:

1. cannot be late ('cause you may be fired after repeating the same mistake 2 or 3 times!)

2. must be fast learner (or not will always get lecturing from seniors)

3. complicated interpersonal relationships

But anyway, studying is really what we should do while we are still young and fresh (e.g. before we wilt) so I have to move on to the next phase of my life: college.

A digitalised version of Inti College Subang Jaya... Currently pursuing Cambridge A-levels there... Nothing very interesting has happened so far...

Will keep you updated in the future... =)

I digress, but:

do you know how to identify fake smiles from the genuine ones? Try this.

Kiwi!

Anyway today, randomly, I came across this video and this is something worth sharing and thinking about...

Wake me up when February ends

People and happenings really do come and go, and my secondary school life practically flew past my eyes--it's like eating blindfolded: you don't know what to expect (e.g. pig crap or 5-star cuisine) until you bite it, and it'll taste queer initially before you really figure out what it is, and when it turns out to be down-to-earth scrambled eggs, it's already on it's way along the oesophagus (yes I miss my Bio lessons quite a lot)...


Just 2 days ago I went back school to certify some documents before the SPM results came out (which was rumoured to be out TODAY... ?? no wonder they're called rumours) and of course, I expected to meet some of my ex-teachers and some juniors at school (actually i even visualised and acted out the whole "hey so how are you now?" scene in front of the mirror... I will not let myself being caught off-guard.. :P)

And so I had to print some stuff in the library, so I just walked in (but everything still feels very odd--that's why it's in my blog--and don't worry this post starts with talk about school and ends in the same topic--- you won't have to bear with me till the brushing the toothbrush at night part) so anyway you have to log in before you use the comp in the library, so I was filling in the blanks:

Name : Yxxx Txx Hxx
C/in time: 11.00 am
C/out time: (leaving it blank 1st for later)
Class:

Class.

CLASS.

CLASS.

coincidentally a librarian was behind me, so I asked him,

"What class should I write ah?"

"Eh, what do you mean? just write your class la!"

"Erm.. *burst out laughing* but I have no class a d la! Graduate d!"

"-_-"...."

"ok la, I simply write one ah!"

So i wrote:

Class: 5S2 (of 2007)

Weird huh? Well honestly this is one of the blandest (lamest) post i've ever done, but to me it really signifies a lot, like:

1. I'm not a Kwang Hua student anymore, and will never be again
2. I can't turn back time, back to secondary school
3. This was where I used to belong, but not now

Sometimes I just feel a lot for this kind of stuff, sometimes... arghh.

This post turned out to be pretty emo, eh? Heck, just think about it... I can't even fill in my CLASS!

Maybe my conscious side hasn't really come to terms with the subconscious part: It still seems to think I'm just on the long holiday and I'll end up back in secondary school not long after.

I guess I'll just have get my subconscious side to wake up and stop living in this insubstantial dream.

P.s. going up genting tmr, 29th Feb; will be back by the 11th to 16th of March, just for your info. again.

Mind Business

I've finally figured out the meaning of "it's all in the mind"... It means if you can't think positively, don't think AT ALL. It will really kill you.

I KNOW i'm in the midst of SPM. I KNOW i have accounts and chinese paper to go... but i really have to vent my frustration onto this post. Crap if i may, at least i won't think about IT that much...

The problem is, i think too much. The more i calculate, the less marks I'm getting for Biology. So far I've lost about 10 marks, give and take i might lose 20 marks in total... Okay why doesn't blogging help me solve my dilemma?

Sorry, if you're looking for quality in this post, it practically has as much quality as... erm... an apple that has been left to oxidise for three days? (ok i'm bad at simile)

But i've figured that the more you think of something in the NEGATIVE way, the worse things get... But thankfully I know I have limited brain capacity so this frustration will stay in my mind for a max of 2 days... then i'll PROBABLY forget it all...

But heck, who doesn't want to get A1 for SPM?

Ok i think blogging therapy is not working for me... The other alternatives:
1. Retail therapy (i think money is unrenewable "energy"...so might not b worth the trouble)
2. Book therapy (i BADLY want to read "My family and other animals" by Gerald Durrell but I'm still having my chinese exam... my brain has to be "mandarinised"...)
3. Movie therapy (THIS will do jz fine...)
4. Food therapy (i'll have to bear the consequences of growing laterally then....)


ok. I'd better move on to movie therapy.

Money= Solution to everything?

According to my father,

Money is not everything; it is the only thing.

and it's true to a certain extent... Just a few days ago, there was a BM seminar in our school for SPM students (yes, Librainy is ONLY a Form 5 student but with an Einstien-y intellect... Such a waste, don't you think? *people puking in the background*)

Ok, I digress but we had to sit through 2 hours of the seminar, which was actually quite worth it, but the topics discussed only revolved around specifically one karangan. Finally I came to notice that ada udang di sebalik batu (sorry... too much Dewan Siswa...) 'cause the speaker of the seminar ended his speech with

If we can only cover karangan in 2 hours, that means we need around 10 hours to finish explaining the whole BM paper

then i was like okaay... Something's fishy...

Eventually he told us that he and a few other teachers were holding another workshop in KL for 10 hrs...

1st thing on my mind-- free ah?

Apparently not. Almost 100 ringgit man! So i'm like, does everything in this world come with a price? (except oxygen, obviously. at least for the moment.)

Doesn't it sound like we have to exchange money for good exam results? Well, obviously it's a win-win situation since

• the people responsible for the seminar will get monetary benefits
  
• students who attend the workshop will be closer to an A1 for BM (hopefully!)
  

But obviously I still feel a tad bit cheated 'cause I've spent 2 hrs being talked into spending almost 100 ringgit!

Well, in case you want to know...

I'm going for the seminar. So much for my "dignified" speeches!

Tempted... by the devil? Nah. More like commercialism

With the advancement of "brainotechnology" (is there such word?) or something, psychologists and retailers have gotten into the root of our minds, dug deep and found our deepest desires... (don't think dirty, guys!) to feel rich and spend rich!


That's why whenever my sis and I go shopping together, we sort of feel inexorably drawn to shops with the 4-letter word--SALE (which is practically on every shop) in hopes for a good buy, but it seems the only place where you can get really affordable stuff is the pasar malam (or pagi, depending on when u go)

At the tender age of 15++, I don't really know much about shopping, but to me, a blouse priced at RM 49.90 is really too much to bear (unless it's really cute or it says Hail Librany, our Queen! or something) whereas you can easily get a RM 15 T-shirt at the night market.

I just went to Lot 10 and Sungei Wang Plaza last week, and some of the clothes and shoes there are really glamorous (i guess i've not been out that often!! but at LEAST i was not hiding under a tempurung) but sooo pricey! You can say I'm an inexperienced buyer but you would have to go through lots of shopping "mishaps" to gain more experience I guess!

At the end of the day, my sis (who works and earns money) bought BAGS of clothes and shoes back while I (who gets money by pulling the puss-in-boots-pitiful-face stunt) bought a pair of shoes from Vincci...

What makes a good blog?

I always face the problem of attracting readers to my blog (I AM Librainy the intellectual, but you see, not many people can understand geniuses... get it? hmm..i thought so too) but I suppose you have to have the "X-factor", e.g.

• frequently update your blog (unfortunately, not me)
• informative posts (do my intellectual opinions count?)
• a sense of humour or at least some closeless with the reader (does my superiority consider as "closeness"?)

Well, there are the "Y-factors" that work just well, e.g.

• posting indecent photos (*feminist speaking* don't know why, this works best on guys)
• controversial issues
• using vulgar or exaggerating language
  

Ehem... no offense to any other bloggers out there, just making a point...

and I'm not having sour grapes syndrome due to lack of readers! (or am I?)

Are You Happy Now?

After reading my friend’s blog, sometimes I just think I’m too lucky in life. (Touch wood!)

Although I’m honestly 100% not fortunate in other aspects such as exam luck or team luck (Rumah B loses every year!), I can possibly brag about the love and gifts that were showered on me during the 14 years of my life. *apparently I’m not going to do that now… so perasan meh?*

Examples of different friends’ predicament:

1. Being disrespected in the family, all alone at home ALL the time, having love life problems, father far from home.

2. Comes from a broken family, no idea of father’s identity, no freedom in making choices. Mum comes home late at night, experienced a few sad and betrayed relationships.

3. From an OK family, but has been molested by close relative twice, family does not know and still treats the relative with utmost care and respect.

• For those who have been mentioned above, sorry if I’ve interrupted your privacy… I kept your identities secret at any rate.

Sometimes life is just like a fairytale, but in between, you’ll have unforgettable nightmares and tragic happenings.

Isn’t it worth thinking about?

Analyzing Genes XX

To me, girls are pretty hard to understand.

And I’m a female, too! But seriously speaking, there’s too much emotion going on in there that’s not being presented on the outside. Sometimes you’ll feel down and moody (esp. when you have nothing to do, and you don’t want to start on tuition homework!), and there’s that occasional spark (during the American Idol season!) that you WISH you could grasp some fame and fortune and had that wonderful voice on stage!

And during exam season, you wish you could get it over and done with ASAP without much hassle. Your eyes are closing…closing…fatigue closing in… closed. Ah. Bliss. Then you realized you haven’t finished studying and there’s a moment of annoyance + anxiousness = breaking down! I don’t know about you, but that happens to me almost ALL the time…

Sometimes, you don’t feel anything at all—school, home and friends simply make you dull. You go to school, come back, go for extra classes, come back, eat and sleep. It’s just such a monotonous life, sometimes you wish something extraordinary would happen! (E.g. you just found out you’re a witch/wizard/mutant and you’ll whiz off to some magical school! ß apparently influenced by Harry Potter and X-Men). Of course, there are also moments of fun and silly moments where you fool around with your friends…

After going through these lines, I still don’t understand myself. Do you?

Read it only if you're free

Ah. After 2 excrutiating hours of stretching, over-stretching and stretching ourselves... Taekwondo class was finally over. (not that I hate it! I actually like it, but i'm used to whining :P)

As usual, a major traffic jam would break out in front of the school as anxious parents peer into the school compounds, waiting for their ninja turtles-to-be. (Obviously, i'm not one of them. I'm 100% human. No mutant X genes!)

So when my mum and I were stuck in the bad traffic, suddenly i realized the significance of living and non-living beings in the world. (i'm not Socrates, Aristotle or anything. And yes, i've just had my sejarah test. Bottomline--i'm no philosopher, jz expressing personal opinion.) A couple of homo sapiens are needed to MAKE a traffic jam, right? Without one, would there be a traffic jam? it takes the "cooperation" of a handful of cars to start a traffic jam... am i complicating matters?

But then there's another example. Malaysia has, say 24 million people but without you, it wouldn't be 24 million anymore, would it?

Why am i saying this? Just making a statement.

My True Identity

Who am I?

I guess many people do ponder upon this big query. The friends we have may be sweet and some are helpful, but a single description isn’t sufficient to thoroughly describe a person’s character. Every single individual in this world has his/her own distinctive personality; nothing will change that fact. Even astrological signs and personality tests can only classify your character traits into certain genres or groups--only you yourself can analyse your personality in detail.

But, who am I? And who are you?

Sometimes I feel content with a solitary life, but some other moments I crave for the company of peers. Sometimes I fool around, brewing up malicious tricks in the witch’s cauldron. On the other hand, I enjoy peace and quiet, and I am capable of an immediate transformation into an obedient little midget (yeah, I’m barely 5 ft, so it matches the description; don’t ask me why I’m so short. I’m wondering the same question myself. What happened to my hormones???). And yes, sometimes I like to crack jokes, may it be silly or ironic. While at other moments, I like to think of the universe, the world, and philosophical questions (for example, now).

Sometimes I think all of us have split personalities—like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In my opinion, some of us (figuratively) put on a mask in the presence of friends and loved ones; and of course we display an attractive mask that projects the glitz and glamour of our personality. I think I carry that mask along, too! But I think I constantly change my masks according to the situation; like the type of friends I mingle with. I talk about cute guys, trendy clothing (tiered skirts won’t last long in the market; trust me) with the so-called “popular” group; conversely, I share my interest of books and general knowledge with the “bookworm” group. And for my “eccentric” group of peers, I crack silly jokes (simply because they laugh about almost everything) and let my imagination run wild.

I’m still in search of my true self, but I have spotted one particular characteristic of mine that I’m pretty sure of—insecurity. I’m practically insecure about everything—from my physical appearances to my future. Yeah, and I’m taking the psychology into serious consideration as one of my occupation choices. (I won’t be a psychiatrist—some of them end up being a little cranky like the patients they treat. Hehe…)

But then, my friends, some of you know me better than I know myself… So do you mind posting a few comments about what do you think of me (and please don’t mention cute/adorable again—it’s getting kind of tedious)

Thanks a million!