if today was your last day

Yesterday was my last day working. After labouring/running around chasing kids/putting ointment for mosquito bites/hug them/carry them/eat imaginary food cooked by them, 7 months passed by as if it was just a month.

Lesson learned?

Teaching kids is not easy. In fact, teaching is not easy, because moulding one's thinking is always never risk-free. (think inception!)

Daycare (Std 1 & 2) was tiring, made me feel like a grumpy old teacher (you have to keep asking kids to take out their homework, finish their homework, don't play first, etc etc). To teach 6 yr olds, you would have to have a really really loud voice (so that your voice won't be drowned by theirs! seriously) and good general knowledge because they will "why?" you all the time o.O 5 year olds are alright but the boys.. will have just started fighting like boys and some of them will end ugly, either with cuts/bruises.. one boy even had his elbow dislocated because another boy climbed on him like a horse!!! 4 year olds.. ahh the bliss. Hug them all you want before they grow into 5 year old maniacal devils! haha =)

Oh ya a video recorded right before I left... The only time I almost cried yesterday! XD

2 more weeks left.

My HK student visa just came by courier a few days back, and suddenly it all seems so real.

Though I can't say my 7 months' worth of work in kindergarten was without incidents pissing me off/me pissing kids off (haha!) but it definitely made me love kids so much more.

5 yr old Yi Hen and her younger sister, Ci En, 3.

2 more weeks left. To another ending.

I guess love comes in many forms, so I'll used what's left to love them even more. =)

omg yi shuen made a "love cake"! so sweet =)

All mixed up

Ja An, Yi Hen, Yi Shuen & Ci En observing intently as the tadpole-turned frog is released into the drain

Somehow as each day draws to an end, I become afraid. The thought of being further away from what used to bring me so so so much happiness is draining the life out of me T.T

2 months from now, I will no longer see 4 yr olds stumbling out of balance every few steps across the classroom. Their shy, toothy smile or them saying "I love you" oh so generously to friends and teachers they truly love.

I can't go lepak-ing with college friends anymore. And stand around again in a circle asking each other what we want to have for lunch and not find any conclusion half an hour later (unless kaykay's around!! haha)

I'll miss the short yet wonderful time I spent in Klang Presbyterian Church. This was where I found my faith and built my relationship with God. Thankfully this is something I can continue in HK!! But having church friends really made me feel that I am not alone in overcoming worldly tempations =)

I can't play poker with my grandparents anymore or joke around with them. Or listen to my grandma tell the story of my birth for the 11239827958274th time. Or eat their delicious sambal or help them with groceries during marketing :(

But I guess if I don't let go, I'll never grow up. Trust me, not being able to grow up vertically is painful enough XD

See! Even my 13 yr old cousin is so so so much taller than me T.T

p.s. can u spot me? 13 years ago XD

Learning from kids

Ying Hui, my Std 1 daycare student. The 吃软不吃硬 type (threats will make her even more rebellious). Her weakness--her vanity. XD

#1 Say what you mean & mean what you say. And with that I mean every single word! Don't count on them losing out on the details/forgetting because, honestly their memory are wayyyy better than elephants.

Jian Yang, Std 1 afternoon daycare student. Same type as Ying Hui. Scolding him is not worth the try =)

#2 Shouting or scolding them out of frustration will only bring devastating consequences. Nowadays kids are pretty much capable of independent thinking. Autonomy doesn't work around here anymore! The more you tell them not to, the more they are tempted to do so. Rebellion is in their blood.

 Mr Ho Li Xian, 4 yr old kindy student. Extremely inquisitive and occasionally naughty. Bright but sometimes agonized but we're totally in love with each other =)

#3 Praising them is the way to go! For my 4 yr olds, to get them to drink water, all I have to do is praise those who have finished drinking from their water bottles. I'll be like 哇， 你的脸好滑哦! (wahh, your face is sooo smooth!!!) Then everyone else will grab their bottles and guzzle down as much as they can. One girl even kept checking the smoothness of her face while she was still drinking =)

Yan Zhen, 4 yr old kindy student. Sweet gal, unlike her clone Tiffany Foo ^^ but honestly I'm not that dark!! She's just way too fair and there MUST be something wrong with the lighting *in denial*

#4 Don't treat them like kids. Literally. Their problems with friends, schoolwork etc may seem trivial to us adults, but it means EVERYTHING to them (this applies more to those kids in Std 1& above). Eg there may be a dispute between two kids and we adults will simply shake it off, like "it's nothing la. Why are you guys fighting over such a small matter?" The more you ignore their problems, the more they keep it inside of them. Some of them just end up being emo the whole morning and won't be willing to do their work, which is bad for them in the long run, too.

Anyhow, in these 6 months they've definitely taught me much! about how adults are not much different than kids. We're just bigger, that's all (in my case, not much of a size difference T.T)

Who do you love the most?

Today the 4 year olds listened to a story titled "Who do you love the most?" 你最爱谁?

At the end, the teacher asked them, one by one, who they loved the most among their friends; they chose their favourite and went up to hug that friend.

Zu Cern picked Jun Han.

Yi Shuen picked Yan Zhen.

Ja An picked Jun Han (2nd time! hee); this hug looked damn awkward though haha

Ging Yee picked Yi Shuen. (another awkward one!)

The 2nd last one to choose was Rayden.

Teacher: 亦杰，你最爱谁? Rayden, who do you love the most?
 
Rayden: 。。。。

Teacher: 来，告诉老师。。Come, tell teacher...

Rayden: 。。。。

Teacher: 没关系， 你小小声告诉老师。。。It's okay, just whisper into my ears...
 
Rayden: 那个戴手表的那个... The one with the wristwatch...

Teacher: 姚老师啊? Teacher Yiaw? (Another teacher who always wears a watch)

Rayden: 不是啦，小的。No la, a small one (meaning another kid, not a grown up... haha)

Teacher: 。。是不是。。 俊涵? Is it Jun Han?


Rayden: *Nods head*

After much persuasion from the teacher, he trudges up to Jun Han.

Shy betul~~ haha

... which ended in a group hug!!

Finally, the last kid was Li Xian.

Guess who he chose?

杨老师! (Does this even need translation? Me la. XD)

Though he is pretty rebellious and angst-ridden (his emotions fluctuate faster than a heartbeat) I felt so warm and fuzzy inside. Simply, to be loved =)

*hugs back Li Xian*

So have you hugged a loved one today?

Is it love?

Yan Ting & Andrew

Today during lunch.

4 kids at the table. Yan Ting & Andrew finished their meals and got up to clean up at the same time.

E Jayn

E Jayn: Yan Ting 和 Andrew 一起吃完，他们就会一起结婚! Since Yan Ting & Andrew finished at the same time, they will get married!

Yeu Han

Yeu Han: 那我要跟你一起吃完。。。Then I want to finish eating the same time as you...

E Jayn: You say that one more time and I'm going to slap you're buttock! (haha she said this in english)

Yeu Han: 杨老师，什么是buttock? (Teacher, what is buttock?)

=)

Big, Bad World

Introducing Rayden, our cute lil' four year old who'll melt any teacher's heart with his cheeky tongue-sticking-out feat and by walking like a drunk!

Today, he was sort of ostracized by the rest of the class during playtime; the first time I actually saw him being left out during play. From what I saw, the kids seemed to like grouping up and imitating each other, and agreeing with majority. And Rayden was simply part of the unfortunate process of eliminating the weak link.

But it does still ring true for adults, doesn't it? We all like finding our own clique, get acknowledged and "exile" the "different" one just to satisfy our inner insecurities. We don't like our authority/position in a society to be challenged and so we just remove the problems.

Just that I felt a pang of sadness when I saw how hurt he became. Because if it were to happen to me, I would cry too, only inwardly. Children are bad actors/actresses, and it's such a good thing.

Unfortunately, though, we adults are excellent actors.

I miss him.

Kuah Jun Ping. My Std 1 year old nephew in Singapore, who gives me suffocating hugs every time he sees me. And tickling & wrestling sessions on the mattress.

Plus, saying 芝慧姐姐，我喜欢你。

No wonder he has 2 girlfriends at school! (p.s. the gals are actually twins. Naughty naughty! XD)

2in1

One.

Attended Yenwoon's YES Business Challenge a few days back @ Menara Star, PJ. Thanks to Lyndy for the lift! And Justin for the lift back ^^  Congrats to their team, Shining Dawn, who made it to the top 10!!! The winning team will be able to kickstart their business plan with RM 25,000 

I think it takes not only courage, but also spontaneity and wit to speak in front of the panel of CEO judges (OMG got 1 damn lengzai and charismatic *drools*) But anyway their team did great and they totally deserved it!

The top was borrowed from Yenwoon too by the way. Used the same one for my HKU scholarship interview XD

Two.

My cousin's kids came over yesterday, and gosh they are a smart bunch! This here is only Std 1 but already has two girlfriends! Simultaneously; and according to him, one even kissed him on the cheek o.O

Playing MAD; it's actually the opposite to Monopoly; the one who loses all his money wins!

Std 3 kid

Std 4; and they both beat me in an IQ game! And it did not feel good XD

And you know what.. I suddenly realised I miss the kids at my kindergarten. Distance really makes the heart grow fonder I suppose :)

An exciting day (hopefully) tomorrow!

Dealing with loss

Sometimes I feel that the human heart is impeccably made; not only does it have this enormous capacity to continually pump blood, but also to store a fragile substance---emotion. It's like sometimes when you miss someone too much, you can feel it contracting, like it feels your pain too.

I currently substitute for the daycare teacher at my kindergarten. One of my Std 1 students, Derwin came in today which a blank look on his face; his usual mischievous wink gone from his eyes. Soon he started sobbing at his seat.

Me: 志铭，你今天做什么? 考试都考完了，你现在是担心什么? (Derwin, exams are already over, what are you still worried about?)

Derwin: *shakes head in frustration*

Me: 来，志铭，有什么事情就跟老师说，不要用哭的，这样我解决不了你的问题。。。(Derwin, crying cannot solve the problem, if you tell me what it is maybe I can help you...)

Derwin: *stares blankly ahead, tears streaming down*

Derwin: 昨天我11晚上才睡。(I slept at 11 last night.)

Me: 哦，这样是不够睡是吗? (Not enough sleep?)

Derwin: 昨天我们拜我的婆婆。。。(Yesterday we had a funeral for my grandmother)

Me: 你的婆婆昨天走的是吗? (She just passed yesterday is it?)

Derwin: *nods head, cries uncontrollably*

Me: 没关系的，每个人到了一天也会走的，你这样一直哭，婆婆如果看到了也会很伤心的。。。她永远都会住在你心里(puts hand on his heart)，那是谁也拿不掉的。。。(my lame advice about letting go, not worth translating T.T)


Honestly tears were welling up in me at that moment. I felt it was really too great a burden for a 7 year old kid to bear. Letting go is never easy, no matter how old we are; the difference is just that we do a better job of covering it up.

But somehow I feel lucky knowing this young soul. He taught me how it felt like, missing someone dear. How some things are easier said than done and that emotions are precious, despite how much we sometimes wish a lack of one would save us from all the pain.

I guess upon leaving life on earth, we all want to leave a part of ourselves behind. If I were Derwin's grandmother, I would be real satisfied, because I know I'll live on in his memories, and in the bottomless depths of his heart.

May her soul rest in peace.